


Pride

by ninwrites



Series: Do I Dare Disturb The Universe? [9]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming Out, Crushes, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, GSA Meetings, Gen, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Pride, Queer Themes, Romance, pride month
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-07-18 22:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7333462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninwrites/pseuds/ninwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merriam-Webster defines 'Pride' as: 'a feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected by other people'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pride

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for LGBT+ Pride Month, which I became aware of thanks to the ever lovely 'Vulturemonem'.
> 
> ['Have Pride'](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7061269/chapters/16052521) which you should all check it out if you haven't already (especially as I have partly based this off of it), inspired this fic astronomically - it is also a wonderful fic in itself, but especially because of it's beautiful respect towards the LGBT community.
> 
> Go read it. Right now. It's the best.
> 
> {if you have, spot the references. there's a lot. I'm shameless.}
> 
> most of the school-related stuff is completely made up because I don't know American schools.
> 
> just a warning in case anyone is uncomfortable with it - the term 'queer' is used in this as an inclusive umbrella term. i mean no offence. (i am bi myself).

"If you stare any harder you'll bore a hole into the poor guy."

Alec blushes furiously and finishes unwrapping his sandwich. "I wasn't staring."

Simon has the decency to cover his laughter behind his hand, but Isabelle shows no such care.

"Of course you weren't. Just as Raphael and Simon aren't holding hands underneath the table."

Simon chokes on his laughter, his eyes widening in surprise. Raphael doesn't look as shocked by the news, simply shrugging a shoulder casually.

"You knew?" Simon asks.

"Duh." Isabelle replies. "You're not exactly doing a good job at trying to hide it."

Raphael rolls his eyes. "Simon, _novio_ , please don't insult Isabelle's intelligence. Or mine, for that matter."

To Isabelle, he directs a sly, quirk of the mouth that could be taken as a smile from anybody else. "I for one, wasn't trying to hide it."

Isabelle grins back, and Alec takes a bite of his sandwhich, grateful that the attention isn't on him, for once. And if it allows him to sneak glances at the new guy, who is in all fairness unbelievably attractive, well, it's not like he's hurting anyone.

"I know," Isabelle tells Raphael, both of them amused by Simon's heated cheeks. "Now back to the matter at hand."

She turns to Alec, but he's too focused staring at the smudge of writing on the table - pointedly _not_ looking at the cute new guy.

"Huh," Isabelle mutters.

Alec looks up at her, forehead creased. "What?"

"It looks like the new kid is staring at you." Simon says, answering for Isabelle, who is still looking across the room.

Raphael shakes his head, but Alec sees him glance over momentarily. He doesn't look over, for fear of them being right. He doesn't want to be caught staring, and then seen as a creep or something.

"Isabelle," Alec hisses.

"What?" Isabelle turns around, her plait moving with her until it flops over her shoulder. "I was just checking."

"It's weird!" Alec leans over the table, his head bowed to keep any one from overhearing.

"No weirder than when you were doing it." Raphael comments idly.

Alec shoots a glare at him, and then turns back to his sister. It's not like he'd been staring at the guy, he just happened to occasionally glance over to the table where he's sitting with a few people Alec vaguely recognises from a few of his classes.

"He's in my History of Design class," Isabelle reminds Alec. "I'm just curious about him."

"Then be curious without causing discomfort." Alec mumbles.

"The only person who is uncomfortable is you." Isabelle points out. "And maybe Raph."

_"Raphael."_ The owner of aforementioned name corrects.

Isabelle turns to reply, and Alec prepares himself to step in, when they're interrupted by a smooth but unfamiliar voice.

"I do hate to interrupt your no-doubt tantalising conversation..."

It's the new guy. The really, really attractive one that Alec was most definitely not staring at only a moment ago. It's him. And he's looking right at Alec.

No one else.

Just Alec.

"But I have Chemistry in Block C next, and I'm not quite sure where that is. I asked around, but ... no one's been able to tell me."

Alec doesn't really believe him, what with the amused glint in his eyes and the fact that all his friends, or at least the people at his table, are barely trying to conceal their laughter.

"Alec has Chemistry next, don't you?" Isabelle turns to her brother, staring at him forcefully, almost daring him to deny it.

Which he can't, because he does have that class next. And she knows it.

"Uh, y-yeah, I do." Alec says, looking to the new guy, who looks remarkably happy to hear the answer. It doesn't make any sense to Alec, but he's learnt to let a lot of these situations slide.

"Wonderful. Would you mind if I walked with you, then?"

"N-no." Alec answers before Isabelle can cut in, or Simon can blather some nonsense that would just embarrass him.

"I'm Magnus," The new guy says, extending his hand towards Alec.

Alec looks at it for a moment, and then the gesture registers in his mind and he quickly wipes his hands on a spare napkin he steals from Isabelle, before shaking Magnus'.

"A-Alec. Alec Lightwood."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Alec Lightwood."

 

* * *

 

It doesn't take long for Alec and Magnus to become good friends. Barely a day, for them to become friends, and less than a week before they're close enough that Alec feels comfortable around him. Which Alec _should_ find weird, but _doesn't_ \- of course it helps that he doesn't allow himself to think about it, much.

"Are you busy after school? Today?"

Alec frowns, and shakes his head. His class had finished early, and so he's been waiting at Magnus' locker so that they can go to lunch together.

"No - I mean I have some work for Latin Studies but that shouldn't take me too long."

Magnus stares, one hand on his locker door. "I'm sorry, can you please repeat that for me?"

Alec's frown deepens. "I have some homework ... but it shouldn't take me that long."

"I thought I misheard you the first time," Magnus says, by way of an explanation. "I find it a little hard to believe that Latin Studies won't take you that long. Doesn't it give you a headache?"

"No," Alec steps back as Magnus shuts his locker.

Magnus blinks at him slowly, before his eyes narrow slightly. "You're one of those clever, witty types that also happen to be dark and mysterious and brooding in a sexy way, aren't you?"

Alec chokes on air and has to cough to cover it up. _'Did Magnus just call me sexy?'_

"I ... don't know," He says, his voice weak.

"I think you are." Magnus says, almost determining it for him.

They stand there for a few moments, and Alec isn't sure if he's going to say something else or if he's waiting for Alec to add something.

"Ready for lunch?" Magnus asks, right after the point where Alec can feel the tension pressing in on him.

"Yeah." Alec smiles uninhibitedly when Magnus links an arm through his.

"So, what's the - the deal with Simon and Raphael? And your sister?" Magnus asks, as they manouever through the school hallway, still teeming with students.

"Simon and Raphael are dating ... I'm not sure for how long, though, one day they just suddenly _were._ Simon and Iz used to date, but they broke up a little while ago - it was mutual, and amicable as far as I'm aware. And they're still friends, so..."

"I suppose that's the best outcome one can wish for with a break-up. She doesn't find it, weird, that her ex-boyriend now ... has a boyfriend?"

Alec dodges a girl carrying a stack of Biology textbooks and accidentally bumps into Magnus. Magnus smiles, but makes no other sign of being annoyed, so Alec moves on.

"I don't think so. I think she might have been the one to persuade Simon to, well, tell Raphael about his feelings. She's not really a bitchy-ex type, you know? Besides, I think she might have a crush on Lydia Bran-"

Alec freezes, and Magnus stops with him, concerned etched into his features. Alec hadn't intended to blurt that out. He's not even certain, it's just a theory that he and Simon have been brainstorming over. Even Jace has inputted that he's seen Isabelle staring at Lydia when she thinks no one has noticed.

Still. He's only known Magnus a week, if that. And this concerns _his sister._ She'd murder him if she knew what he was saying.

"Alec?"

Magnus leads Alec over to the side of the hall, to remove them from the way of other people passing through. He stands in front of Alec, blocking him from the rest of the corridor, despite Alec's imposing height difference. Alec's back is pressed against the wall, and he has to look slouch slightly to look at Magnus properly.

"I won't say anything to her, if you weren't mean to reveal it." Magnus promises. "I was just curious, it's my fault anyway-"

"It's not your fault." Alec cuts him off, breathing in deeply. "I just didn't intend to say it aloud. I haven't even talked to Isabelle about it yet. It's just a feeling, based off circumstantial evidence at best."

"Don't worry, Alexander." Magnus winks, and it's so over-the-top and cheesy that Alec finds himself laughing softly. "I'll keep your secret."

He almost misses the use of his full name, too caught up in the rest of Magnus' sentence. He doesn't miss it completely, though.

"Alexander?" He repeats.

Magnus glances down, sheepishly, before looking back up. His green eyes are piercing, and clear - Alec can see the almost minute flecks of gold within them, sparkling like glitter.

"Yeah, I - I hope you don't mind, it just sort of - slipped out."

"It's fine," Alec answers hastily. "I've just never ... I've never really liked the name, that's all. My parents used to say it a lot, and I don't exactly have the best relationship with them. But I don't, I don't mind when you say it."

"You don't?" Magnus asks.

Alec shakes his head, running a hand through his tangled mop of hair. "No."

Magnus smiles, and it isn't cheesy or exaggerated or even blinding. It's sweet and gentle and a little shy around the edges and Alec's heart may or may not pick up speed in his chest for a second or five.

"Well, Alexander." Magnus takes Alec's hand and pulls him forward, away from the wall. "I don't know about you, but I am _desperately_ craving a cheeseburger right now. Shall we head to lunch?"

"Sounds good to me." Alec says. He breathes shakily when Magnus moves his hand, wrapping it around his torso. He can feel the pressure of Magnus' hand against his waist, pressing through the layers of his clothes. It's not unusual, for Magnus to touch him so casually, and it's not something that Alec really minds.

It is a little to get used to, the only other people who really touch him in any sense are Isabelle, sometimes Jace, and his younger brother Max when he's home. He's not necessarily a really touchy person.

But Magnus _is_ a touchy person, and it's something that has simply become just a fact in Alec's mind.

A thing that just _is._

 

 

* * *

 

"Tell me something about yourself."

They're walking through the short-cut of the park, adjacent to the back oval of the school, and every now and then a buzz shoots up Alec's arm when it brushes against Magnus'. Conversation had been calm and casual, but when Magnus drops the question, Alec is a little unsure of how to answer.

"What do you mean?" He asks.

Magnus shrugs, looking over at Alec with interest clear in his eyes. "Just ... something. Not necessarily something nobody else knows, just - just a fact about yourself you find strange or interesting or worth-noting, I guess."

_'There's nothing interesting or note-worthy about me'._ Alec is tempted to say, and he almost does. But something stops him, and he finds himself blurting out an unexpected answer.

"I have a cat called Church."

It's not exactly what he was expecting to say, nor does it really relate to him personally. But Alec isn't very good at, or generally comfortable with, talking about himself, in any aspect. It's a start, and a fairly good one at that, for him.

"Church?" Magnus repeats, amusement creeping into his voice.

"Yeah - well, technically he's the, you know, family cat - but I'm sort of the only one he _really_ likes, as opposed to just tolerating."

Magnus grins. "I love cats. I have one called Chairman Meow - don't laugh - and he's such a sweetheart."

"I'd love to meet him, one day." Alec blurts out, before he can truly think over the words. He looks over, eyes wide and cheeks growing warmer by the second.

"I'm certain he'd love to meet you, too." Magnus replies, without missing a beat. Alec would thank him if he was sure it wouldn't bring any more embarrassment to either of them.

He smiles, instead, and then he has to look away, because he's fairly sure that he's going to trip if he keeps looking at Magnus, and his clumsy proclivity for stumbling and making a fool out of himself is high enough already. He doesn't need an invitation to do so.

"Your turn." He mumbles, after a few moments of somewhat comfortable silence. "To tell me something about you."

Magnus makes a contemplative sound and pauses for thought.

"When I was ten I was adopted by an awesome couple, Jem and Will."

Alec doesn't say anything, but he's a little surprised. Not because it's horrible, but because it's not really a thing he's thought of or considered before. Which is possibly a bad thing on his part, but he presses on, because Magnus is still talking and it would be rude not to.

"Will is a bit of a fool at times, but Jem calms him down. They're like the personifications of yin and yang at times, I swear. I owe them so much though, they've been so kind and helpful since I met them."

Alec's heart pangs a little, at the threads of sadness in Magnus' tone. It's quickly covered up, Magnus returning to his usual sunny-self in no time.

"And, of course, they're only like thirteen-years older than me, so they're pretty cool, as far as parents go. Will's actually the reason we moved - he got a promotion, he's a pediatrician - and since Jem is a psychiatrist, he can sort of get a job anywhere. He's one of those gentle-soul types."

Alec laughs, and then cuts himself off. He probably shouldn't be laughing at Magnus' parents. It's just the way Magnus describes them, so warm and fond and almost amused. Still, it's no reason to laugh.

"Alec, it's okay to laugh." Magnus says, grinning himself. "You shouldn't - I hope you don't feel as though you have to stifle yourself around me. You can laugh if you want - the idea of a gentle-soul is a little amusing."

Alec's grin returns of it's own merit, and it's possibly a little brighter than before.

"I don't ... I do feel comfortable around you." Alec reveals. "More than I do around a lot of people, considering how long I've known you, it's just - I didn't want to upset you, that's all. They're your parents."

"If I can make fun of them, then so can you." Magnus bumps his shoulder against Alec's gently. They're nearly the same height - Alec is a little taller, by a few inches, a fact he's silently happy about.

"As long as you're sure..."

Magnus laughs softly, his steps slowing. "You're really sweet. Did you know that?"

Alec blushes, and despite his deep-seeded hope that Magnus doesn't notice, he has an unfortunate feeling that he does.

"M'not." Alec mumbles.

Magnus frowns slightly, but doesn't comment, which Alec is a little grateful for. He has a hard enough time accepting compliments as it is, let alone from someone he possibly has a crush on.

It's easier, than it had been a few months ago, painfully closeted and pining desperately for Jace, despite his complete knowledge that nothing could ever happen between them. But he's still coming to terms with his sexuality, with who he is and what it all means. And he hasn't even told Magnus yet, let alone the fact that he doesn't even know if Magnus is interested in guys in any way.

There's only so much he can handle at once, and his ... _interest_ in Magnus is already taking up a lot of space.

"I believe it's your turn." Magnus comments.

Alec frowns. They've nearly reached the exit to the park, and he wonders momentarily if it would be a bad idea to ask Magnus if he wanted to get an ice-cream. He's really enjoying their conversation, and much like every other time he's spent with Magnus, he doesn't want it to end.

"When I was younger, I used to look after Isabelle whilst my parents were out. We used to have, uh, tea parties ... she kind of forced me into it, but it was a really good bonding thing for us. I think it's why we're so close - because we used to, and still do, spend so much time together."

It's not the kind of thing he'd been intending to spill, but it is true. And he finds it far easier to talk about his sister than himself. And Magnus likes Isabelle, so it's not really _weird..._

"I bet those would have been some prestigious tea parties." Magnus says. "Should I be jealous that I wasn't privileged enough to be invited?"

Alec frowns, his forehead creasing with soft lines. He's not entirely sure why Magnus would want to go to a tea-party with cups of air and teddy-bears missing eyes and limbs for guests.

"I ... don't think so?"

Magnus laughs, and Alec isn't sure if he should be offended or not. He isn't, but it does feel a little like Magnus might be laughing _at_ him.

"I suppose we could just hold one ourselves," Magnus suggests. "Just you and me."

Alec feels ... well, humbled, in a sense. At the idea of Magnus wanting to do _anything_ with _just him_. Even if it is an activity generally participated in by young girls. And even if he is slightly daunted by the idea.

Then again, he and Magnus are spending time, just the two of them, now. And he thinks that it's going okay. He hasn't embarrassed himself _that much_ yet, so things could definitely be worse.

"Isn't it your turn?" He asks. He's trying to extend the time they have left, because he really doesn't want to say goodbye to Magnus just yet. He's having a surprisingly good time.

"Hm. Are we allowed to delve into more personal facts now, or should we wait until the third time we've hung out to get that deep?"

It takes Alec a moment to realise that Magnus is making a joke, one of those third-date-reference things. He's never been on a date, doesn't know much about relationships in general, either and he's been told that he can be a little _"slow on the uptake"_ when it comes to these kinds of references. Or, well, any references at all, really.

"I'm sorry," Magnus says, laughing almost nervously, like he's embarrassed. "That was a really lame ... I could have been so much cooler about it."

"It's - it's fine." Alec says, smiling weakly. He's trying, but he's not the best at comforting other people. "If you want to, say anything - anything personal, you can. It's up to you, I mean - there's not really much to say about me."

"I don't believe that." Magnus says. "Not for a second."

He's stopped walking, and by the time Alec does, he ends up a few steps in front of him. Before he has a moment to move, Magnus is stepping closer, towards _him._

Alec sucks in a deep breath, feeling as though he's preparing himself. Not that he knows for what.

"I'm presuming, from your earlier comments about both Simon and your sister, that you don't have a problem with ... people of sexualities that aren't, well, s _traight,_ for lack of a better way to phrase things."

_Does he know?_ He can't possibly know, not when Alec himself doesn't. Which Alec figures out once his eyes catch up with his thoughts and he can see that Magnus is looking down, fiddling with the rings that adorn his hands, fidgeting.

This isn't about Alec, and what he may or may not be. It's about Magnus, and what he _is_.

"Are you gay?" Alec asks, ever so politely. He cringes as soon as the words spill out, having not been the way he'd intented to phrase the query.

"Magnus, I'm so sorry-"

"Bisexual, actually."

Alec is cut off before he can finish, and he's left a little taken aback. Literally. He stumbles back a step.

"I'm bisexual." Magnus repeats, clarifying. "I didn't mean to cut you off, but there's, frankly, no reason for you _to_ be sorry. It's a valid question, and certainly not one I haven't been asked before. Although, this was a lot nicer than some of the ways it's been said before."

The tops of Alec's cheeks heat up, but he ignores it as best he can.

"That's not ... a problem, right?" Magnus asks, looking a little nervous. Alec hates that it's because of him, and hurries to fix it.

"No, no - of course not." He lifts a hand up to scrub at the back of his neck. "It doesn't, it doesn't bother me."

And, well, he certainly couldn't have phrased that any better, could he?

"I mean ... you know - I didn't-"

His words fall short as Magnus reaches a hand out, placing it gently on his shoulder. The touch is warm and almost comforting, and Alec finds himself leaning into it without any thought prior.

"Thank you." Is all Magnus says, but somehow, it feels like more than enough.

 

* * *

 

"You two are ridiculous."

Alec looks up from his phone, at Lily who's staring at him as though she couldn't be any more done with him. Not that he understands why, he was just texting Magnus about their Social Studies project.

" _Dios_ , what now?"

Raphael looks up from his own phone, likely texting Simon; the two of them are surprisingly coupley - especially because of Raphael, who hardly ever likes anyone.

"The two of you, just cheerily texting your boyfriends whilst I try and unpack this dumb prompt." Lily snaps. "Which I had thought I'd have help with, but apparently you're too busy."

Raphael rolls his eyes, taps the screen of his phone a few times, and then puts it down. Alec, however, simply frowns.

"I don't ... I don't have a boyfriend." He says slowly.

It's not Lily who scoffs, but Raphael. Which is just a little infuriating.

"I apologise, _amigo_ , but that is nonsense." Raphael comments. "You and Magnus are thicker than thieves."

"We're not - I'm not even - how-"

"There's not point trying to deny it, Alec." Lily tells him, her voice a little softer around the edges, though it's still as sharp as a blade. "Everyone can tell."

Alec sputters. "I don't even know if I'm, if I'm..."

"Gay?"

Lily's dark plum lips are pressed together firmly, and when Alec looks to Raphael, even he appears a little more sympathetic than usual, twirling a black ballpoint pen in his delicate fingers.

"If you can't admit it yet, then that's okay." Lily promises him. "I still haven't told my grandparents yet - although they're old and frail so it's possible they'll never even have to know."

"I spent months telling myself that it wasn't true." Raphael admits. "Before Simon, I'd never had any type of feelings for anyone. Even now, I worry that he'll be upset because I have no desires for ... certain typical aspects of a relationship."

Alec shakes his head pitifully. He'd been under the impression, when he'd walked into the library earlier, that it would just be a normal study session. No big, life-concerning questions he doesn't have, or necessarily want, the answers to.

"I know that - that I like him." Alec wrings his hands together. "And that - that I'm interested in, in guys, but - I don't-"

Lily places a hand on top of his, stopping him from fiddling with them. "You don't have to figure it out now. Just, know that we're here for you."

Raphael scoffs and mumbles something that sounds a lot like _"not me"._

Lily, for her part, ignores him and focuses on Alec. "Me, your sister, even Jace - we're all here if you need us. Even if it's just to vent."

Alec smiles weakly, catching her hand in his and squeezing it gently. He knows he has to figure it out, and soon, despite what Lily says.

But he's glad for the support. Maybe, if he's lucky, it will make things a little easier.

 

* * *

 

"I'm gay."

"I ... am ... gay."

"I'm _gay_."

Alec isn't sure if his ceiling really cares about his sexuality. He's telling it anyway. It doesn't help, in some ways, but it really helps in others. Because the not-so-glow-in-the-dark stickers can't tell him what he should do, or even provide any advice in general. But his walls are very good listeners, and the best part is, they're not likely to talk back. He can say whatever he needs to, without fear of consequence.

It's nice. Even if he does feel a little stupid doing it.

"I'm gay."

Each time he says it, he sounds a little more confident, his voice stronger. A little more like he actually believes it. Because it's true, and he's come to terms with the fact of it. But admitting it to himself is a little harder, and telling other people is, as of yet, utterly out of the question. Even if it feels like everyone else figured it out before he did.

"I'm gay. I'm-"

"Alec?"

Alec clamps his mouth shut. The door swings open, revealing Isabelle on the other side, hair caught up in an intricate braid, her nightwear consisting of black leggings and an over-sized grey jersey that used to be is. He'd let her borrow it, years ago, and was still waiting for it back - not that he really believed he'd get it.

"What are you doing awake?"

"Why are you still up?"

They speak at the same time, their words molding together into one vaguely coherent sentence. Isabelle laughs softly and Alec smiles. His sister has always been good at doing that.

"What's up?" Alec settles on. He flicks his bedside lamp on, allowing him to better see Isabelle's face.

"I couldn't sleep." Isabelle says. She shifts her weight, gripping the door with one hand and adjusting her braid with the other.

Alec doesn't ask her why, he prefers not to pry into his sister's business, often with the hope that she'll do the same. She's yet to take up the offer, but he's keeping his fingers crossed.

"Neither could I." Alec says, and it's kind of an explanation, and kind of an excuse. Whether Isabelle realises or not she, thankfully, keeps quiet.

He pulls aside the covers of his bed, and Isabelle smiles gratefully before stepping forward, shutting the door behind her. His bed, like most of the ones in the house, is far too big for just one person, and can easily fit all four of them comfortably. And it has.

"Thanks." Isabelle whispers, slipping into the bed.

Alec shuffles until he's lying on his back, the covers pulled up to his chest. Isabelle rolls over on to her side, a respectable distance left between them.

"Why do I have a feeling that we're both having mini crisis'?" Isabelle asks quietly.

"Because we probably are." Alec admits.

He can practically feel Isabelle smiling. She rolls over, kisses his cheek gently, and rolls back.

"Goodnight, big brother."

He smiles to himself in the dark, and allows his eyes to flutter closed. "Night, Iz."

 

* * *

 

A week later, Alec still hasn't openly admitted, out loud, the acceptance of his own sexuality. The upside, however, is that he has admitted it to himself.

Although he has a feeling that it won't stay a secret for very long.

"We should join a GSA."

Alec always tries to respect other people, but he can't help but stare at Magnus like he has completely lost his mind.

"A what?"

"A GSA." Magnus repeats. "You know? Gay-Straight-Alliance. I know the name isn't entirely all-inclusive, but it's intentions are pure at heart."

Alec leans back against the trunk of the tree, and sighs. "I know what it is."

Magnus grins, idly checking his nails - currently painted in glittering pink, purple, and blue respectively in the style of the bisexual flag - for any chips or imperfections. Which, of course, there aren't.

"Sounds a bit too mainstream for you." Alec comments.

Magnus glares half-heartedly, the heat betrayed by his smirk. "Is that your way of telling me you don't want to join?"

Alec shrugs. "I mean, I don't know. I don't think I even understand the point."

"To participate in the community?" Magnus's face scrunches up in a way that is definitely not adorable at all. "It's not easy being queer - Muppets reference not intended - and I think it would be kind of neat to find others like me."

_Like us._ Alec thinks. It's not the right time, not that he's really sure when the right time will be, but he still thinks it counts as a win, even if he does say it only in his mind.

"And you want me to join with you?" Alec asks.

Magnus nods, frowning a little. He shuffles until he's sitting next to Alec, his hips bumping against Alec's feet.

"Of course I want you there." Magnus states. "You're my best friend. I haven't even considered you _not_ joining with me. Not that you have to, of course, if you don't want to join then I completely understand, I just-"

He's rambling, which Magnus hardly ever does - ever - and Alec can't help but feel a little sliver of pity.

"I'll join."

The grin that spreads on Magnus' face is priceless, an unparalleled paragon of ultimate human happiness and Alec allows himself to smile along too. He hadn't expected Magnus to be so excited, but he's glad to see it. He's always glad to see Magnus excited.

Magnus kneels and leans forward, wrapping his arms around Alec, squeezing him tightly. Alec freezes momentarily, but then he relaxes, reaching up to hug Magnus back. It's a little awkward, but also kind of sweet, and heart-warming.

If Alec had of known he'd get this reaction from agreeing to join, he would have suggested it himself ages ago.

Well, maybe not. He hadn't even known the school had a GSA in the first place. Regardless, he's kind of excited about it. Possibly because Magnus is still hugging him.

He might have to reasses things in a few hours.

 

* * *

 

When Alec walks into room 14, the old English classroom now supposedly mascarading as a meeting room for the GSA, he's a little surprised at the turn out.

The tables and seats are arranged in a large, King Arthur knights-of-the-round-table-type set up. Lydia Branwell, who's in Alec's Business Management class - which he'd taken to appease his parents - is standing at the front near the whiteboard. Lily and Raphael are whisper-arguing near the window, Maia Roberts is near them, chatting to Simon - Alec is pretty sure they had a fling once. There's a few other kids he vaguely recognises, from classes or just generally around the school.

And then his eyes fall on Isabelle, who's talking to Clary and possibly trying not to stare at Lydia, although Alec spots her glancing every few seconds, and from Clary's amused smile, she probably does too.

"I didn't expect your sister to be here." Magnus whispers, leaning into Alec.

"Neither did I." Alec admits.

It's also a bigger turnout than Alec had been expecting. He isn't really sure what to do now.

"Where do you want to sit?" Magnus asks.

"Uh ... wherever?" Alec says, cringing when it comes out phrased as a question.

"Well, we can sit up the back, or near Simon and Clary and your sister, or we can sit on the other side more up the front."

He's giving Alec the choice, which Alec appreciates. But he's new to this, to all of this, and he's a little too focused on keeping his breathing even without fainting, to really make the decision himself.

Thankfully, he doesn't need to.

"Alec! Magnus!"

Clary waves, gesturing them over, and with one sparing glance at Alec, Magnus leads the way to their side of the table. They've somehow snagged two spare seats, even as Lily and Raphael slide into their own. Alec ends up next to Clary, with Magnus on his other side.

Isabelle leans forward, glancing at Alec quizzically before her attention moves on to Magnus.

"What did you bribe him with to get him to join?" Isabelle asks.

Magnus grins, and Alec has to look away before he resembles a tomato.

"No bribery needed. Alec came of his own free will, I promise."

Isabelle raises one perfectly styled eyebrow, but before she can say anything Lydia is clapping her hands to bring the room to order, and her attention is drawn away. Clary smiles at him, looking like she knows something he doesn't, before looking up to the front.

"Welcome to the first weekly meeting of this school's GSA!"

Lydia breaks into a smile, a lot brighter and less stern than Alec usually sees her. He has a feeling she is genuinely excited about this, and he's silently glad it's turning out to be more than just a strict meeting moderated by we-swear-we're-not-homophobic-teachers pressured by the school board to be more politically correct.

"I just have to say, I'm so happy to see how many people have turned up. Thank you, seriously."

Lydia looks like she's actually glowing, and Alec can feel it lift the mood of everyone in the room. Lily isn't scowling, Raphael is leaning into Simon, and Isabelle can't tear her eyes away from the front of the room.

Magnus reaches for Alec's hand and squeezes it, and it takes barely a second for Alec to squeeze back, even as he tries to come to terms with the fact that Magnus is _holding his hand._

Magnus leans in so that his whisper reaches Alec only, and Alec wonders if he can actually hear the sound of his heart beating in his chest.

"Thank you for doing this with me."

 

* * *

 

When they were younger, Alec and his siblings used to have mini-sleepovers. In the winter they'd all climb into one person's bed - usually Alec's - and snuggle up together, hot cocoa in hand. Alec, Isabelle and Jace would all take turns reading a story aloud, and Max would clap once the story was finished, and they'd settle into a deep, warm sleep.

In the summer, they'd build forts with sheets as canopy's, chairs to hold them up and pillows to sit on, fairy lights draped over the top to illuminate the space. Jace would make lemonade with ice and crazy-straws and Alec would drag the portable DVD player out of the cupboard, and they'd marathon films until one or all of them got too tired. Then they'd lie on their backs, arm to arm, and each person would list one thing that they counted as their favourite part of the week.

That had all stopped a couple of years ago. Jace had started going out more, to parties or on dates, and it didn't take long before Isabelle was following her lead, pressing the boundaries of her curfew, almost daring their parents to say anything.

They never did. But Max started going away with them, more and more. Which lead to Isabelle and Jace going out more and more. They tried to encourage Alec to go with them, but a quiet night of solitude was more his scene than a gathering of drunk teenagers.

And then Magnus had swooped into his life, like a hurricane of glitter and fun, and Alec started doings things he'd stopped a long time ago.

Like smiling more, and laughing louder.

And having sleepovers.

"This is so you."

Alec tries not to take offence when those are the first words Magnus says, upon entering his room for the first time.

Magnus is smiling, as he spins in a slow circle, glancing at every inch of Alec's room. In all fairness, there isn't really a lot to be looked at. His walls are bare, the curtains of his window a pale grey, the floor wooden and slightly scuffed in places. His four-poster bed - a little too flashy for his liking, not that he had much choice in the matter - is made of dark brown wood, the covers a simple charcoal.

There's a desk, and a closet, and a bookshelf with the occassional ornament from birthdays and Christmas'. But there isn't anything too personal or decorative. Which is, generally, how he likes it.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He asks, standing near the doorway as Magnus spins back around to face him.

"It just ... suits you." Magnus explains. "I could tell it's your room, from the moment I walked in."

"And that's a good thing?" Alec asks, to be certain.

"It's a wonderful thing." Magnus assures him. He trails a hand along the sheet of the bed, up to the pillows, up the frame of the bed.

"Actually, I'm quite offended." He comments, wrapping his hand around the bed frame.

Alec frowns, and steps forward. "You're offended?"

"Well, we've been friends for a few months now, and you never once mentioned you were rich. Am I not worth the privilege of such knowledge?"

Alec scoffs. "I'm not rich."

Magnus' eyes are wide and disbelieving. He gestures broadly with his hands, indicating the wide expanse of Alec's room - and possibly the whole house.

"My _parents_ are rich." Alec corrects. "None of it is technically mine."

"Not yet." Magnus mumbles.

Alec rolls his eyes. He's never understood the big deal about having money - having a lot of it, or a little, or enough. He understands it in a logical sense, understands that having money is necessary for survival. He gets that.

What he doesn't get is why it's a big deal to have a lot of it, to be _rich_ , essentially. That could just be because he's not really a material person, he doesn't feel the need to have a lot of things. He has his bow and quiver, his books. He has access to the necessities, to a gym - admittedly inside of his own house, but still. He has friends and he has school and he doesn't really need anything else.

He's always his known his family has money, but he's never once classified himself as 'rich'.

"I _knew_ Isabelle's makeup was professional quality. I might have to borrow some off her, it's so much better than mine."

That's another thing Alec has always loved about Magnus.

His confidence, his natural poise and grace are all admirable qualities. His shaggy hair that he often spikes (and when he's feeling particuarly excited, drowns in glitter), his green-gold eyes, his versatile mouth, all make up part of his undeniable attractiveness. His kindess, his proclivity for fun and joy.

All wonderful parts.

But when you combine Magnus' confidence with his love of makeup, you get something entirely new and utterly brilliant. Of course, Magnus is beautiful without any of it, inside and out, but with a thin line bordering his sparkling eyes, shimmering eyeshadow done expertly, the lightest sheen of lip-gloss coating his smirk ... he's ... he's just...

He's so _pretty._

"Is this where you tell me your family is a part of the CIA?" Magnus asks, jokingly. He looks a little nervous, and it's then that Alec figures out he's probably been staring and is likely making Magnus a little uncomfortable.

Oops.

"It's just," Magnus continues as Alec smiles apologetically. "You looked a little like you were preparing to kill me."

"I'm sorry," Alec sighs. "I was just ... distracted."

It's only partially a lie. He was distracted. Just not likely for the reasons that Magnus probably thinks.

Magnus shrugs, and then he grins and Alec lets out a small sigh of relief that Magnus isn't questioning him.

"So," Magnus says, stepping forward. "What else have you been hiding from me?"

Alec's first thoughts fly to _"I'm gay"_ and _"I have a torturous crush on you",_ but thankfully he's able to reign those thoughts in. Instead, he opts for safety.

"Do you wanna see the library?"

 

* * *

 

It's late, or early - the last time Alec had looked at his phone, it was to send a text to Clary telling her off for meddling - he doesn't want to know how she'd found out Magnus was coming over - and that had been at about half-past-ten.

The movie had finished, and Magnus and Alec had slid into their respective sleeping bags - Alec refuses to let Magnus sleep on the floor by himself, and sharing a bed is out of the question for obvious reasons, so they'd bunkered down in the den.

He can barely make out Magnus' figure in the shadowy darkness, but he can see the rise and fall of his chest, can hear the gentle cadence of his breath, in and out, in and out. All evidence suggests that he is asleep.

"Shush."

Okay, maybe not.

"Alexander, I can hear you thinking."

Alec sighs and rolls over until he's looking in the general direction of where Magnus is lying. "I'm sorry."

He hears the rustling of the sleeping bag as Magnus turns over. He can just make out his eyes, dimly, blinking slowly.

"What's troubling you?" Magnus asks. "And don't tell me it's nothing. I know you, and I know that something is wrong."

Alec clenches his hand into a fist, hidden within the walls of his sleeping bag. He wants to tell Magnus, he does. But everytime he tries to get the words out, they stick in his throat and he's swept under by a wave of anxious uncertainty.

Which is just dumb, because this is _Magnus_ , and if there's anyone he trusts with this secret, it's his best friend. He hasn't even told Isabelle yet, but he has a feeling that she knows anyway, so that doesn't worry him. It will happen when it happens.

But he _wants_ to tell Magnus, he _needs_ to tell Magnus.

It's a big step, but it's one he has to take. And it will be worth it, even if the outcome isn't the one he might desire.

"Can I tell you something?"

There's a beat of silence before Magnus answers, during which Alec mentally berates himself in three different languages. (Turns out he did learn something from Latin Studies and being friends with Raphael).

"You can trust me," Magnus whispers. "If that's what you're asking."

It is, even if Alec didn't realise it before. Because Magnus just _knows_ him, sometimes better than he knows himself.

He takes a few deep breaths, buying himself time to steel his nerves so that he can just blurt out the words, before his throat closes up on him.

"I'm gay."

He's said it before, a hundred times before, a thousand times. In his head, to the safe confinements of his room, out loud in hushed whispers.

But this time is different. Because it's aloud. Because it's to Magnus. Because it actually _means_ something now.

He can feel the anxiety overcoming him, feel it rise inside his chest and squeeze a bony hand around his lungs. His breathing becomes shallow, fast, his heart starts beating quicker in his chest. He's too busy preparing himself for a panic attack to notice when it doesn't come.

He notices when Magnus squeezes his hand, and the warmth sends a spark racing up his wrist. He notices when Magnus calls his name, softly, pulling him back to reality.

_"Alec,"_

He squeezes back instead of answering. He doesn't trust his voice to stay solid and not break halfway through a word.

"It's okay," Magnus whispers, his hand curling around Alec's fingers. "I'm so proud of you, for telling me. Thank you. Thank you for trusting me with this."

Alec doesn't say anything, even though there's a lot he wants to.

They fall asleep like that, closer than they'd be if they were sleeping in Alec's bed, hands linked in a loose grip. And it's nice. Comfortable.

An undeniably better outcome than Alec could have ever imagined.

 

* * *

 

"Hey, Alec?"

Alec turns at the touch of a hand on his arm. Lydia Branwell smiles and pulls her hand back, having gotten his attention.

"I was hoping to talk to you." She explains. "If that's alright?"

He glances over at Magnus - they'd been planning on getting ice-cream after the meeting, and Magnus had been a little fidgety all day.

"Go ahead." Magnus says, grinning. "I'll just check on my designs and meet you at the lockers in about, ten minutes?"

"Sure."

Magnus waves to the two of them, and then spins on his heel and saunters off. Isabelle catches his attention at the door, and loops a hand around his. Alec turns around to face Lydia, only vaguely aware of his lovestruck smile.

Lydia notices, but she doesn't say anything. Likely on account of her own dopey smile, from the looks of it, directed at his sister.

Alec notes it down for later. Likely to be discussed with Magnus.

Lydia quickly scans the rest of the room, before leaning in, almost secretively.

"Was I being too hopeful, or is this ... working out?"

Alec frowns slightly, before he figures out what she's talking about. The GSA, as he'd recently found out, was all her idea. And it had taken her a while to get it up and running, so it made sense she was a little worried about it working out.

"I think it's running smoothly." Alec assures her. "Everyone's really excited about it, too."

Lydia visibly deflates, in a good, release-of-tension kind of way.

"I have to admit," She confesses. "I was a little surprised when you came, last week. Pleasantly so, of course, but it just doesn't - it doesn't really seem like, your thing."

"It's not." Alec shrugs, fighting off a blush. "But, Magnus wanted to join, and he asked if I'd come along ... I didn't really see the harm. And I ended up enjoying it."

"I had a feeling you came because of Magnus." Lydia says. "I hope the fact that you're here today means you're planning on attending most weeks?"

Alec nods. "As many as I can turn up to."

Lydia smiles, her sea-green eyes lighting up, her mouth pulling into a bright, wide smile.

"You know," She comments idly, sweeping her things up into her arms. "I've always thought you and Magnus were a sweet couple. I've never said it, for fear of, well, for fear of being a little creepy. But I do think you're cute together."

Alec frowns, his forehead creasing as he mulls over Lydia's words.

"We're not," He stutters. "We're not dating."

"Oh." Lydia's lips press together firmly, and for a second Alec wonders if he'll have to justify the lack of a romantic relationship between Magnus and himself.

"I'm sorry." Lydia apologises. "I didn't mean to insinuate - I _am_ sorry."

"It's fine." Alec says.

He's still working on moving past her comments; she genuinely believed that he and Magnus are a couple. Do others think that? Is his crush that obvious, or does that mean that ... that Magnus likes him too, or at the very least, appears to?

"No, really," Lydia bites on her lip nervously. "I shouldn't have made assumptions."

Alec shrugs, a devilish grin spreading slowly.

"It's okay, but, does this mean that I am allowed to provide my own assumptions?"

Lydia steps forward, silently inviting Alec to follow her. "Depends on what the assumptions are."

"Similair to yours. Am I right in assuming that you have a crush on Isabelle?"

It's possible that he's been spending far too much time with Magnus. Entirely possible.

Lydia freezes, her hand on the handle to the room. Alec feels a little bad, but his curiosity is the main force behind his actions, and he's fairly certain that he's right in guessing that Lydia and his sister both like each other.

Still, he's not a demon.

"I'm sorry, you don't have to answer if you feel uncomfortable-"

"You're right." Lydia whispers. "I do ... have feelings for her." She turns around, eyes wide and a little stricken.

"There's no problem." Alec reassures her. "I think it's ... to be honest, I think that Isabelle likes you too. I haven't asked her, but..."

Lydia laughs nervously, and Alc finds himself smiling.

"I promise to stay out of it." Alec tells her. "But I wouldn't be too worried about it. And I wouldn't be worried about this GSA, I think you're doing a wonderful job."

Lydia nods. Her smile is slight but genuine, and even though Alec isn't attracted to her, he can see that she is beautiful.

Another added positive from him joining the GSA: he thinks that there is a possibility for a friendship, between the two of them.

 

* * *

 

"Hold still."

Magnus exhales huffily, but does as Alec requests. Alec had come over to Magnus' to go over their Chemistry project, but after a while that had become boring. Magnus had complained about his "crappy nails" and Alec had offered to do it for him - earning him a raised eyebrow and amused smirk.

Fast-forward ten minutes, and Alec is gripping his left hand, painting the deep purple polish over Magnus' index finger.

"You're surprisingly good at this." Magnus comments, slightly in awe.

"Isabelle used to make me paint her left hand," Alec explains, moving on to the next nail. "Because I, apparently, have a "steady hand" and she was sick of messing it up."

Magnus nods slowly. "I understand that dilemma, all too well."

Alec laughs softly, holding the brush _above_ Magnus' finger. "You're both so melodramatic."

Magnus pouts, but refrains from moving for fear of Alec's wrath.

"So, you'll paint mine and your sister's nails." Magnus stretches his legs out, careful not to jostle Alec. "But you won't paint your own?"

They're sitting on the floor of Magnus' bedroom, Alec cross-legged and facing Magnus, quite possibly the most optimal position for painting Magnus' nails.

"I just don't ... it's not my thing."

Alec lets go of Magnus' hand, and turns his attention to the right one. Magnus waves his painted hand delicately, attempting to dry his nails.

"It's a shame," Magnus says. "That's what it is. Your hands are gorgeous, they'd look so good with just some plain black ... ow."

"Sorry, sorry."

Alec loosens his grip on Magnus' hand. He'd freaked out, slightly, at the mention of his hands being 'gorgeous', and of course his luck is so depleted that he ended up hurting Magnus as a result. Which was not fair and definitely uncalled for and he definitely couldn't feel any worse about it.

"Alec, are you okay?"

Alec nods automatically, focusing on painting the rest of Magnus' hand. Magnus frowns, but keeps quiet for the duration of his nails being painted. As soon as he's finished, however, Magnus - theoretically - pounces.

"Alec, what's bothering you?"

Alec shakes his head, preferring to _not_ answer the question.

"Don't shake your head at me. I hate it when you're stubborn - I know that something is up, I'm not going to judge you, just - just tell me."

Magnus voice goes from firm to kind to shaky, and Alec feels each tone-shift hit him, resulting in him feeling worse with each word.

"It's nothing." Alec says. He just - he really doesn't want to tell Magnus. He could ruin everything between them. He wouldn't be able to handle that level of destruction.

He puts the nail polish away, and when he turns back Magnus is reaching out to grasp his cheek, carefully. He stills, startled. He can feel his heart tightening in his chest, anxiety constricting it, and his lungs.

"Alexander Lightwood." Magnus states his name slowly. Calmly. "What is wrong?"

He's not going to tell Magnus, he isn't, he's just going to blurt out some false nonsense and everything will be fine...

"I like you."

Crap.

Magnus frowns, and Alec scrambles to clear things up - not that he does a very good job of it.

"I, _like_ -like you."

Okay, well, he didn't have to say _that_ , did he? Damn it.

Unfortunately, he can't cover his face up, because Magnus' hand is still on his cheek, not that he can figure out why. He settles on groaning beneath his breath and averting his eyes to anywhere _but_ Magnus' face.

He feels the blush creep up his neck, and it is only fuelled when he thinks about Magnus feeling the heat on his cheeks as it gets hotter.

"Alec," Magnus says softly, so softly. It's weird. It's wrong.

"Alec, look at me."

It's not a statement, or a request. It's a demand, and it's enough to cause Alec to sheepishly look up, despite how much he'd really rather do anything else.

"Could you repeat your earlier comment for me? Please?" Magnus asks, kindly.

He brushes his thumb across Alec's cheek, delicately, and Alec would really prefer to pretend it didn't happen. But this is Magnus, and he's never been good at saying 'no' to him before. In all honesty, he's never been good at saying no to anyone he cares for.

"I like you." Alec says, his voice shaky and weak.

Magnus smiles, softly, which is weird. It's his special smile, the one that he reserves for special occasions, for when he's really happy or excited about something.

"I like you too." Magnus says.

Alec shakes his head, as much as he can with Magnus' hand on his face. "No, you don't get it."

"I think I do." Magnus corrects him. "And as I said - I _like_ you."

"No." Alec frowns. "You don't - I like you, Mags, I'm, I'm _attracted_ to you."

Magnus laughs, and it's the heavenly sound Alec adores so much, light and full of happiness. Alec's frown deepens, and he's very close to pulling away. Does Magnus not realise what he's saying? Does he think it's a joke? This is a serious thing, and it was hard for Alec to admit it, and now Magnus is laughing and ... and ... and Alec is just very confused.

"Alexander. Gideon. Lightwood." With each word, Magnus leans in closer, until Alec can feel Magnus' breath ghosting across his mouth. "I. Like. You. Too."

It's a bit like the flick of a switch. A lightbulb flickering to life with the realisation that Magnus actually likes him back, in the same way that _he_ likes Magnus.

"Oh." Alec exhales breathily.

Magnus grins, and then he slides his hand around to grasp the back of Alec's head. His fingers tangle in Alec's hair, and when a nail accidentally scrapes along his scalp, Alec gasps. His mouth ends up brushing against Magnus', the touch barely a second-long but still enough to send out sparks for both of them.

"I really want to kiss you," Alec mumbles, his voice deep and shivery.

"Then it's a good thing," Magnus tugs Alec closer by the hand on his neck. "That I really want to kiss you, too."

Alec ends up making the first move, to the surprise of both of them. He closes the slight distance between them, and it's kind of messy and a little awkward at first, but then Magnus tilts his head, and his mouth slots over Alec's and it couldn't be any more perfect. Alec's hands tangle in Magnus' loose shirt, clutching at the fabric, his knuckles brushing across Magnus' ribs.

Magnus slides a hand beneath Alec's shirt, placing it on the small of Alec's back to keep him as close as humanly possible. Alec gasps, a shudder racing down his spine. Magnus uses the opportunity to nip at Alec's bottom lip gently, and Alec presses forward, as though he's afraid that if he pulls away it will all cease to be.

But unfortunately, neither of them can survive without oxygen, and breathing becomes a necessity far too quickly for either of their liking.

Magnus pulls back first, resting his forehead against Alec's. Their breathing is heavy and mismatched, but Alec smiles anyway, because at the moment he can't quite remember a moment where he felt _this_ happy. A moment close to it, like after the end of his first GSA meeting, and when he came out to Magnus, and even the other day when he came out to Isabelle and Jace.

But this happiness is greater, brighter, like shooting an arrow straight into a target and achieving a bullseye.

And it's all because of Magnus.

**Author's Note:**

> inspiration for Magnus' nails from, well, myself. Can be found [here](http://killjoyrow.tumblr.com/image/146730660171)
> 
> also, the kiss was supposed to be a 'oops our mouths bumped together wait now you're actually kissing me what?' kind of thing. And that obviously didn't happen. So I might have to ammend that in another fic. 
> 
>  
> 
> [My Tumblr!](http://killjoyrow.tumblr.com/)


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